Still there?

I confess it's pretty depressing to read my last posts and see that not much has changed in the last year and a half from a TTC perspective. That last cycle I was chronicalling actually was a successful one. I managed to get knocked up and stay that way for a shaky 2 weeks. But then my HCG plateaued and dropped, and the blood started. Miscarriage, hurrah. Anyway - we went on to do 2 more with Dr. Edge, then took up acupuncture for the spring and summer, found a new Dr. we'll call Dr. Cute (trust me on this), did 2 more IUI's, had a hysteroscopy to remove a uterine polyp and just finished an unsuccessful first IVF. We did have a whopping 7 frozen embryos so I assume we're headed to Frozen Embryo Transfer (FET) next. My appointment with Dr. Cute is at 2:30 tomorrow so I'll learn for sure.

You, my lovely daughter are officially FIVE YEARS OLD. This reality both excites and depresses me terribly. I've always thought as 5 as a pivotal year. You start to really learn stuff, and remember things long into adulthood. You start to "get it." And boy are you doing that. You are an incredible person and I genuinely feel blessed to get to share my life with you. But the depressing part is that what I want to give you more than anything in the entire world is a sibling. And now, even if the FET works, you will be six when the baby comes. SIX! I don't even want to think about that. It literally is the most painful part of this process, that you keep aging while I keep trying.

I don't think we'll try for much longer though. I am sure we'll use up these snowbabies and do 2 or 3 FET's, then decide whether to try one last IVF or not. I'll wait to make that decision until we know what happens through these FET's. I really am emotionally worn out so we'll see.