+ Food for thought +
To all the mothers and mothers to be out there: When you think your life is rough, when you have a frustrating "mommy day" when the baby cries and cries, you haven't had enough sleep and you're at your wits end... Remember to be thankful for the life you have, and the life you share with your child. It's not so easy for everyone. I read the saddest adoption-reversal story ever today. My prayers are with Maria and her family.

WELCOME JACK Z!!!
Jeniffer's "little" baby baby arrived last night at 5:10 p.m., 21 inches and a whopping 10 lbs. 7 oz. Now THAT's birthin' a baby! He's healthy and dad said he and mom are doing well. Thank God for a safe birth.

So there you go, Ceili. Your future husband has been born. And he's exactly one year and six days younger than you. Cradle-robber.

+ Quiet +
Sorry so quiet. Baby sick, momma sick. Not horribly, just not feeling well. More updates later, including her birthday, I promise!

+ Drama +
Wow, that post below is just so LONG and dramatic. Sorry about that. It's been bothering me for a year that I've never posted her birth story. I already remember stuff I left out, but that's all right. I'll mess with it later.

Anyway, that's all for now. I'm distracted this week and can't seem to finish a thought anyway.

+ 364 days +
This time last year, I was pretty darned pregnant. It was a Tuesday, and I'd been off on Monday for President's Day. Good thing, too. I spent some of the long weekend packing some bags for the hospital. They weren't done, but they were in pretty good shape, and I knew what I still needed.

Tuesday was a weird day. I had some difficulty focusing at work, I remember that. And I was having a lot of trouble with my back. I felt better in the morning and thought maybe I'd have a better day. The week before I had been really uncomfortable. The long weekend seemed to give my back and hips a bit of a break.

At 5:00 that evening, I went to the doctor for my first internal examination. That was so pleasant. Ha! I was about 1 cm. dilated, and really not making any progress. Bummer. That night I went home, had myself a grilled cheese sandwich and sat down to watch a little mindless TV: American Idol. Around 7:40, I felt a POP! inside my body.

Instinct took over and before my mind could catch up, I was racing full-speed for the toilet. By the time I got there, I was a mess and so was the bathroom floor. I'm pretty sure I shouted an expletive on the way, which brought Daddy running on my heels. Sitting on the toilet, a lovely sight I'm sure, I smiled at him in a very apprehensive way. He asked me, "What's wrong? Are you okay?!" I said, "Um, yeah, um, my water just broke. I think. I'm pretty sure. Yeah, it must have." He said, "Are you sure?" I said yes, and he asked, "Well, what do we do? Do you need to call your doctor?" I said, "No, I think we are going to the hospital, but it's not an emergency I don't think. The water's clear, and they said if the water's clear we have time."

I piled a couple of super-flow menstrual pads in fresh underwear and changed my clothes while Daddy gathered himself together. I packed the last of the bags, as much as I could think to pack (I forgot some things, of course), and sent him running for various things to help. I called Grandma and asked her what she was doing. She said she'd just taken her sleeping pill. I told her that was really unfortunate, because she'd need to be up for a while, my water just broke. She laughed and literally head off to, uh, expel it. (Gross!).

We piled some waterproof pads and towels in the passenger seat, loaded up the car (sans car seat... that would have to follow later), and headed off to Good Samaritan Hospital. Of course, we had no gas. That was my own fault. I had to rush to the doctor after work, so I didn't have time to stop and get gas. So, we stopped on the way to the hospital. I used the cell phone to call Grandpa John and Grandma Carol-Ann. Grandma was happy to hear, and since she's a nurse she didn't even need me to assure her that things would take a while since I wasn't even really having contractions yet.

That started to change on the rest of the drive. I felt a couple small contractions, and I could tell things were "different" in there. You moved around a little more, or at least I could feel it more without all that cushion of water. Amazingly, the water just kept coming and coming. I didn't soak through the waterproof pads, but the towels on top were soaked. Walking through the parking lot I looked like I had seriously peed my pants! Of course, I was clearly pregnant and waddling so I'm sure it was obvious what was wrong with me.

We went to OB triage, and I proudly announced, "Hi. My water just broke." They hustled me past the waiting room (where others looked at me quite enviously, I might add), to the next desk. I said the same thing to them, adding, "I'm only 36 and a half weeks, and I'm not really having any contractions yet. And I'm positive for Group B Strep. I just found out today and I don't know if they sent the paperwork over yet." They put me in a little room since all the beds were full, and ran all the normal blood pressure, temperature, etc. tests. Grandma joined us in there, and she and Daddy sat on the floor with all our bags and pillow while I sat in the little chair.

While we waited, I called in to work. It was about 8:30 and I left a message for my boss that I wouldn't be in to work on Wednesday.

Before long, they put us in a triage room and had me change. They hooked me up to a contraction belt monitor thing and I was able to watch the contractions, which were starting to come a bit more frequently by that point. I was only in there a few minutes, and they wheeled me up to a delivery/recovery room where I was expecting to spend the whole rest of my stay. That was, until the OB resident came in to do another internal. I explained to her that I had had one only a few hours before and I was anxious to see if anything had changed. Her response? "Okay... Hmmm... What's that?" I looked at Grandma and Daddy with a worried expression, but I didn't say anything. She looked at me, and said, "I don't think that's her head, it feels more like her feet, but I'm not sure. We're going to do an ultrasound and see what position she's in, okay? We'll be right back."

Great.

A few minutes later, she came back with the machine and started looking around. It took a long time for her to figure out how you were sitting. To this day, I'm not completely clear how you were positioned in there. The fact that my water broke probably made it harder to see around, but I don't know that for sure. At any rate, it was determined that you were solidly breech. She explained to me that I have 2 options. First, I could have them attempt a version, which sometimes works and sometimes doesn't. If it does, I will probably still need pitocin to speed up labor since my water had already broken and I wasn't contrcting regularly yet. If it doesn't, I might need an emergency c-section. Second, I could just go for a c-section anyway. I didn't hesitate. I thought I remembered that versions are relatively unsuccessful and I didn't want the pain only to end up with an emergency c-sec. Plus, with my water leaking all over the place, I didn't know how stressful that would be on you.

So. C-Section it was. Of course, I'd eaten at about 6, so they made me wait. And contract. Oh, I'll tell you those contractions were speeding up and starting to hurt a LOT. I know I never really got to feel the real doozies, but these were pretty darned bad. If I'd been standing, I would have been moaning and holding on to Joe. I breathed through them and I was fine. They told us that we would probably go in around 2 or 3 a.m. since there was someone before me.

Imagine our surprise when around 12:45, they came in and told us to get ready, we were going down! I was actually in the toilet when they did this, and nearly had a panic attack. I started shaking, and I shook non-stop until just before the surgery began. They took me in a wheelchair with Daddy following to the operating rooms. He was taken into the recovery room to suit up while they prepped me. I remember it was really cold in there, and when they opened the back of my gown to do the spinal, I didn't know if I was going to truly have a panic attack or not. I couldn't stop shaking. I held the sleeves of the nurse's gown in front of me with white knuckles and rested my head on her chest. She held my shoulders and before I knew it, the spinal was in.

Everything was kind of in slow motion until the spinal was done, and then it all went to double-speed. They leaned me back and positioned me on the table very quickly, and before long I realized why. I was going numb very fast. They brought Daddy in and by this time I'd finally stopped shaking. In fact, I was in pretty good spirits all of a sudden. Must have been the morphine. :) I was relatively lucid, and couldn't feel a darned thing. They put warm towels on my chest and arms, and they felt heavenly.

They went to work and the cheerful anaesthesiologist (sp?) entertained me throughout. Daddy took peeks once in a while at what was happening and did a good job of not looking too scared. He asked me once, "Are you sure you don't feel that?" and I said yes. They warned me once about pressure, and then I definitely felt it. It wasn't that bad, just, well, pressure. A few seconds later, the doctor told me that she wasn't coming out easily, but she was definitely a girl. Daddy looked and saw your butt on its way out. A few seconds more, and there was relief in the room, and a cry. You were born. 1:25 a.m. Our little Ceili Morgan.

I think Daddy cried as he brought you to see me.

+ Other accomplishments +
Okay, not accomplishments, per se, but I thought it would look silly if I entitled it "More neat stuff you know how to do now." Eh, well.

You can say "uh-oh." With accuracy. In fact, you're quite fond of reaching over, dropping your binky and saying "uh-oh." Occasionally the "uh-oh" comes before the dropping and you end up looking a bit confused.

You know what socks are for. And pants. When I am dressing you, you help. When I bunch up the leg of the pants to put them on you, you lift your leg (usually your right) to assist. Then the other. And when I sit you up to put your socks on, you routinely grab the other sock and pat your foot with it while I'm putting one on. You look expectantly at me when doing this and I usually do cheer you on.

On that same note, you know where brushes go, and sunglasses and even tissues. You usually just pat the top of your head with them, but you have the right general idea.

You say "uh uh" while shaking your head no, especially if it involves wiping your nose or putting food away.

You're walking better and better, and are becoming more insistent on being put down. No more easy shopping trips for us with you safely ensconced in your stroller. Oh, no. And don't try holding you for more than 2 minutes without some impressive acrobatics on your part. *sigh* There are just times and places where I cannot put you down and you are not happy with that reality.

+ Almost there! +
Sunday was your birthday party. More on that later, since I still have to upload the pictures from the digicam. It was a blast, and I look forward to updating everyone.

Other updates on you... You're drinking more cow's milk all the time. You have a doctor's appointment on Thursday and I have a laundry list of questions for her. I'm sure I'll forget half of them. You've been fighting a cold since last Thursday, but it's not really that bad, thankfully. Just lots of snot. :) Your 8th tooth is giving you fits, and we all hope that comes in very soon. We spent yesterday shopping. We got lots of great outfits, including a gorgeous summery dress (18 mo.), a warm fuzzy red w/scottie dogs winter coat for next year (2T) and more. We also got you sized at Kids Foot Locker and determined you have a "very small" size 4 foot. The Stride Rites you're wearing are 4.5 and she said they're perfect, that SR's are sized smaller. Nike's are too, apparently, so we made a mental note of that. No new shoes for you, but at least we know the ones you're wearing are the right size.

You have a couple of new toys from your birthday party. On one hand, I don't want to make a big deal about them because we told people gifts weren't necessary and I don't want anyone who didn't bring a gift feel guilty. (So please don't). But you LOVE the gifts you did get at the party. Most notably, you got a Fisher Price Little People wagon thing. OMG, you love this thing. I showed you once or twice how to push the little button to make all manner of noises and music and now you can't stop. You zoom it all over the living room, and you know how to take the Little People out and put them back in. You will even find your little "mommy" on one side of the room, mixed with other toys, take it and crawl back across the room to the little wagon and put her in the front seat. Totally out of context, you understand what to do with it. I think that's amazing.

You "talk" all the time now. In fact, in the last few days, you've begun to "sing." It's more like a humming with the occasional open-mouth sound, but it's definitely musical. Very strange and absolutely, heart-breakingly adorable.

+ 52 weeks +
So, today is the first day of the 52nd week of your life. In 8 days you'll be a year old. The baby calendar I've been following weekly on Amazing Baby.com is now officially showing your last week of babyhood. Wow. Time flies. I guess I'll have to start reading about toddlers, which hardly seems possible. I'll save the introspection for next week. I'm sure right around your birthday I'll have a lot of introspective moments to share in this journal.

I'd like to take a moment too and thank those readers who've been along for the journey since July 8th 2002, the day I created this journal. And also thanks to those who've joined along the way. I have never said much of anything all that profound or earth-shaking, I've just shared a little snapshot each day of Ceili's fetal and personal development. It's meant a lot to me to have you along for the ride, however long you've been here. Thank you.

There will be changes to this journal sometime in the near future. I hope. I have limited time at home with which to manipulate my web pages, but I am hoping to move my non-baby journal over here and change this one to a less baby-centric one. Or vice versa. Since Ceili's not a baby, and someday (don't worry, I'm not hinting anything) there will be a need for an O. Baby TWO! journal, it only makes sense to let this one graduate in its own right. Keep posted. I'll try really hard not to lose anyone along the way.

Anyway, back to our regularly-scheduled programming for the meantime.

+ Seven teeth +
Yes, that little bugger #7 popped its pointy head through within the last 24 hours. Hoorah! It looks like #8 isn't too far behind. I'm much relieved for you. I could tell they've been bothering you lately.

+ Safe and sound +
Well, one week closer to your birthday. Geez, I still can't get over that.

Anyway, we went on Saturday to have your car seat checked out at a free car seat clinic in Paradise Valley. That was fun, though our car seat took a bit longer to sort out than the others who came and went while we were there. We were assured that was a good thing and most of what we were doing was right. They were pleased with how tightly I had it installed, which made me feel good since I did it myself. :) But we got some good tips and corrections, so I'm glad we went.

You're taking to cow's milk better all the time. We still need to work on not spilling milk all over yourself when using the sippy cup, but that will come. I've stepped back my pumping at work officially to twice a day, also. I'm hoping for the go-ahead to start mixing your formula with whole milk and slowly transition to just whole milk. We'll still nurse at night, mornings and weekends some, but I think it's time for you to start day-weaning. We'll see how YOU feel about that. Most of the time you're too busy running around to want to nurse anyway, so it's probably just as well.

+ Bad evening, Good night? +
I was at my wits' end last night. You were under some freakish spell or something. We played for a while, then you went down for a late nap as usual. I know it's odd and most babies don't do it (most parents probably think I'm nuts), but you take a very late nap. It's like pre-bedtime. You go to sleep usually around 5:30 or 6:00, nap for a while, wake up to eat dinner and play one last time, then down for the night around 8:00.

About 20 minutes or so into your nap, I decided I was annoyed by the crooked wall clock in the living room. My attempt to straighten it failed as it stuck just enough to the wall to cause it to come flying off and shatter on the tile foyer floor. Well, besides scaring the hell out of me, Daddy and Princess, it woke you - screaming - out of your nap. Okay, fine. Nap over. No problem, right? Wrong.

I went in and fetched you, and brought you and your binkie out to the living room to wake up. Only you wouldn't. stop. screaming. Period. You didn't want the binkie, you didn't want to nurse, you didn't want to be held, you didn't want to be put down, you didn't want to play, you didn't want to sleep... Nothing. Finally, fed up, I decided you must be hungry. So I strapped you in the high chair and got out some corn and sweet potatoes baby food. Yeah, that was interesting. YOU WERE ASLEEP! Screaming, but asleep. And did you know that a screaming, sleeping baby can STILL eat?! You ate like you were starved, but never once - through TWO jars of baby food - opened your eyes. Not once. I had to recline the high chair because your head kept falling forward. But you were eating! And if I didn't have another spoonful ready in front of your face when you opened your mouth, you just screamed.

So, I fed you. Then I took you to your room to change you for bed - still screaming/sleeping. At this point Daddy (who'd been desperately trying to get some homework done) came out of the office and said, "She obviously doesn't want to go back to sleep." *crickets chirping* My response? "She IS asleep!!! She's BEEN asleep this whole time!" Sure enough, you continued to sleep-and-scream while I changed your diaper and changed you into your pajamas. I turned the light off, sat with you in the rocking chair and rubbed your back and your hair until you stopped crying and truly fell asleep. It only took a few minutes.

Then you slept quietly through the night.

You woke once at about 5 a.m., with one yelp/scream and that was it. You stayed asleep until about 6:45. You probably thought last night was just a bad dream! Ha! When you finally did get up, you were perfectly happy - hyper, even (as you usually are lately). But you've been gnawing on your fingers like crazy. I'm hoping you're just teething. It also might be your ear infection, though I really hoped the antibiotics would be working by now. They might work better if I remembered to give it to you every time. Oops.

+ Pictures +
New pictures, including a couple from Auntie Jen's house, and photos of the new car seat. All are in her 9-12 month album. Am I really going to have to start a new album for her second year soon? Sigh.

+ February +
I can't believe this is your birth month. This weekend is the anniversary of my baby shower. The shower was meant to be more than a month before your birth, but ended up being just 11 days before it. I remember my excitement this time last year, and I just can't believe it's been that long. *sigh* Time really does fly.

Yesterday you gave Daddy a great present. He went to pick you up at daycare as usual, and when you walked in and said "Hi," she heard your voice. With 2 other parents of infants present, the teacher and the asst. manager of the daycare, you turned, pointed right at Daddy and said clear as day "Dah-dee!" Daddy said he nearly fainted and everyone just looked at her with shock and said, "Did you hear that?!" There was much rejoicing. How cool is that?! You say "Mommy" and (more often) "mama" with some frequency, and "dada" and "Daddy" all the time. You're even starting to say "baby" now, it seems. And my goodness if you can't demand anything with enough pointing, leaning, whining and related body language. What a communicative girl you're becoming!

And walking. Oh my goodness. You took probably 8 or 9 steps during the Super Bowl at Aunt Chelsie's house. You're getting to be fearless and will regularly let go of the table (etc.) to walk away. Sometimes you make it, sometimes you drop to your butt and crawl the rest of the way. It's always cute. And you are starting to like cow's milk. Thank goodness for that!

Your ear infection seems better, and you've been in a pretty good mood lately. All-in-all, you're really a delight to be around right now. This morning in fact, you woke up in the silliest, most energetic mood I've seen in quite a while. It was fun. I'm sure you're being a royal handful at daycare today. :)

I'm going to try to pick up some invitations for your birthday party on my way home today. I was going to make them, but I think I've changd my mind. It's going to be a very quiet (hopefully) and simple party without a lot of guests. I don't want to make a huge fuss since you're pretty oblivious to the occasion anyway.